Phrases to Use During Labor to Stay in Control

Phrases to Use During Labor to Stay in Control

Because this is your birth, not just a medical event.

When you’re in labor, communication matters—and so does protecting your space. Sometimes the smallest phrase can help shift the energy, set boundaries, or remind everyone that you’re the one steering the ship.

Here are some phrases you can use to advocate for yourself during birth. Feel free to make them your own, share them with your birth partner, or even write them down for your birth space.

“I’ll let you know if I change my mind. Please don’t keep asking.”

You’ve made a decision—about pain relief, positioning, whatever it is—and you don’t want to keep justifying it. This is a respectful way to let your team know that repeated offers aren’t helpful.

“Please don’t talk to me during a contraction.”

You’re in the zone. You’re riding the wave. You don’t need questions, jokes, or chit-chat mid-surge. This one is for protecting your focus.

“Does everyone in the room need to be here?”

An easy, powerful way to clear the space. Teaching hospital? Shift change? Curious extra staff? It’s okay to ask people to step out.

“Can we dim the lights, please?”

Birth hormones love soft, dark, safe spaces. This small change can help your body do its job better—and make you feel more comfortable and private.

“I’m choosing to eat right now.”

Even if someone says you “can’t,” especially with an epidural—know that eating and drinking in labor is often about policy, not evidence. Nourishment matters.

“Can I have my baby skin-to-skin while I’m being stitched?”

Yes, you usually can. Unless there’s a clear medical reason, this is a great time for bonding, regulation, and calming baby and you.

Here are a few more useful phrases:

“Can you explain all my options—not just the standard one?”

Sometimes what’s presented as the only path is just the most common one. You deserve full information.

“Can we take a minute to talk privately before we decide?”

You and your partner (or doula) might want space to breathe and think without pressure.

“What happens if we wait a bit longer?”

A gentle way to explore whether intervention is truly necessary right now—or if time might be the best medicine.

“Can someone walk me through what you’re doing, step by step?”

Great for when things are feeling fast or clinical. It brings you back into the loop and helps build trust.

“I don’t consent to that right now.”

Short. Clear. Powerful. Always your right.

Remember: you’re allowed to take up space.

You’re allowed to ask for quiet, for time, for clarity. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to say no. You’re allowed to be the center of your birth story—because you are.